AFTER CANCER: IMPATIENCE AND CHILDREN. HELP IN PREVENTING PROBLEMS WITH CHILDREN.
Posted by adminWhy Am I So Impatient with My Children?
After a brush with life-threatening illness, you feel that your priorities have been clarified. Grateful for every day and all its gifts, you may regard impatience with your children as a mockery of all that you have learned about life.
There is a logical reason for your impatience. Children live in a self-centered world. Their unending demands and needs are accentuated by their impatience and short attention spans. Their coping mechanisms and priorities are immature, shaping their approach and solutions to problems. It takes energy-requiring insight and patience on your part to understand their viewpoint and respond in a mature, appropriate way.
You, as their parent, are trying to fulfill their basic physical and emotional needs while teaching them the subtleties of morality, patience, and virtue. Teaching children is a tough job under ideal circumstances.
After cancer your physical and emotional stores may be depleted. You may be dealing with your own anxieties and fears, which drain your energy in an unproductive way. You may be irritable and hypersensitive. You may just be overtired. The task of raising your children is waiting for you whether you feel ready or not.
An architect who had completed his cancer treatments was doing well except for fatigue and difficulty in concentrating. Usually soft-spoken yet strict, he found himself being slack on rule enforcement and yelling at his young children every time they whined or cried. He felt guilty that he was too tired to play with them and angry that they were making his life more difficult.
A Mercedes is a good car, but it will not run without gas and oil. This architect was a good dad who needed rest and assistance. His children needed someone who was physically and emotionally able to respond to their needs. Until the dad had the physical and emotional reserves, he had to share his fathering with other adults (friends, child care, relatives).
After resting and receiving emotional support, he was less fatigued and could concentrate better. This allowed him to be sensitive to his children’s needs and respond in a helpful manner. The children were not as frustrated and whined less. He had the energy to reestablish and enforce discipline, which reassured the children.
He required naps for many months after completing his cancer treatments and participated in a support group for years. Taking the time to attend to his own needs enabled him to be a good parent and enjoy quality time with his family.
Who Can Help Me with Ну Children?
There are many resources for help and advice. School teachers, pediatricians, clergy, social workers, psychologists, and child psychiatrists are able to offer experience, knowledge, and energy for coping with your family’s stress as a result of illness. These people can help you prevent problems with your children and pick up problems early. They can help you shoulder the children’s demands for attention and their other emotional needs. And they can be there for you, the parent.
Just as you may have needed assistance with meals and carpooling during your cancer treatments, you may need some help during the months of your recovery after treatments. You may be reluctant to ask for help, because it may be less obvious to others that the need is still there. After all, you are done with treatments. Let friends and family know how they can help. During the transitional months of recovery, it is better for everyone if you use what energy you have in order to be with your children, not to make meals and do laundry.
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